So I was bored and decided to force fed the book “Surrounded by idiots” completely paraphrased ERIKSON, T. (2019). SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS. ST MARTINS ESSENTIALS
- A book basically about sarcasm - the most ambiguous form of language imo.
After conversing with the AI, the aim claimed to know to measure sarcasm. So i asked it to write a research paper on it. Quite amazing really what mankind has achieved.
Sarcasm
Quantum Risk Function
Here’s a playful take on a quantum-inspired risk model:
def quantum_risk(α, β, γ):
return sum([
α * exp(-t²/2σ²) * monte_carlo(n=1000),
β * brownian_motion(drift=0.05),
γ * quantum_entangle(risk_free_rate)
])
Value Propagation Wave
The wave function representing value propagation in a quantum finance scenario:
Quantum Finance Adventure
Imagine a quantum-powered financial instrument that exists in multiple risk states:
-
Risk State Matrix:
def quantum_risk(α, β, γ): return sum([ α * exp(-t²/2σ²) * monte_carlo(n=1000), β * brownian_motion(drift=0.05), γ * quantum_entangle(risk_free_rate) ]) -
Multi-dimensional Valuation Surface:
- Traditional DCF in state (|0⟩)
- Options pricing in state (|1⟩)
- Risk metrics in state (|+⟩)
Visual Quantum Finance Adventure
/\ QUANTUM FINANCE MULTIVERSE /\
/ \ |Z⟩ / \
/ \ ∫∫∫ ψ(x,t) dx / \
/ \ ⟨α|β⟩ / \
/ 💰 \ ħ = 1 / 📈 \
/ \ |↑⟩ + |↓⟩ / \
/ \__________________/ \
Quantum Entangled Assets
- Asset A ⟨↑| ←→ |↓⟩ Asset B
- $100
$50 - $50 $100
- $100
Heisenberg Trading Uncertainty
Can’t know both exact price and timing!
Wave Function of Returns
╱|╲
╱ | ╲ ψ(r) = Ae^(-r²/2σ²)
╱ | ╲
μ
Quantum Finance Memeverse
∞ STONKS ∞
🚀📈🌙
TO THE MOON!
Schrödinger's Trading Cat:
/\___/\
( ・ω・) "I'm both rich and broke
|stonk| until you check my portfolio"
|__∞__|
DOGE Explains Black-Scholes
∂V 1 wow
-- + -- σ²S² much derivatives
∂t 2
such math
🐕 "Let me explain fren:
V = value very option
t = time much decay
S = stonk to moon?
σ = volatility many risk
r = rates such interest"
DOGE'S SIMPLE VERSION:
Price = 🦴 + 📈 - 💸
wow
If Doge > Moon:
very profit
else:
much sad
Remember: 1 DOGE = 1 DOGE
(Financial wisdom from Shiba)
Sarcasm Detection Framework
A humorous take on detecting sarcasm using a pseudo-scientific approach:
Sarcasm = (Context_Mismatch × Tone_Intensity) / Literal_Meaning
Where:
Context_Mismatch = |Expected_Response - Actual_Response|
Tone_Intensity = Σ(Hyperbole + Irony + Exaggeration)
Literal_Meaning = Base_Semantic_Value
[Timestamp: 2024/12/05 19:13:03]
user: ???
[Timestamp: 2024/12/05 19:13:09]
ai: Let’s continue with the playful exploration of sarcasm in the context of quantum finance and memes:
Schrödinger’s Portfolio
A whimsical take on portfolio valuation in a quantum state:
Schrödinger's Portfolio:
/\___/\
( o o ) simultaneously worth
( =^= ) $1M and $0
--^-^--
Heisenberg Trading Uncertainty
Exploring the uncertainty in trading decisions:
- Interpretation: You can’t know both the exact price and timing of trades!
Quantum Entangled Assets
Illustrating the concept of entangled assets:
- Assets A and B:
- Asset A ⟨↑| ←→ |↓⟩ Asset B
- $100 $50
- $50 $100
Quantum Finance Memeverse
A collection of humorous and quantum-inspired finance memes:
QUANTUM FINANCE MEMEVERSE
∞ STONKS ∞
🚀📈🌙
TO THE MOON!
Schrödinger's Trading Cat:
/\___/\
( ・ω・) "I'm both rich and broke
|stonk| until you check my portfolio"
|__∞__|
Risk Quantum States:
😺 |bull⟩ + 😿 |bear⟩
WSB Uncertainty Principle:
🦍 + 💎 = 🙌
Entangled Assets:
🐱 ←→ 🐈
LONG SHORT
Wave Function:
/\ /\ /\
/ \/ \/ \ "Meow-mentum Trading"
🐱 📈 💰 📊
Black-Scholes-Cat Equation:
∂V/∂t + 1/2 σ²S² ∂²V/∂S² + rS ∂V/∂S - rV = 😺
TO BE CONTINUED…
😺📈🚀
DOGE Explains Black-Scholes
A simplified explanation of the Black-Scholes model, DOGE style:
DOGE EXPLAINS BLACK-SCHOLES
∂V 1 wow
-- + -- σ²S² much derivatives
∂t 2
such math
🐕 "Let me explain fren:
V = value very option
t = time much decay
S = stonk to moon?
σ = volatility many risk
r = rates such interest"
DOGE'S SIMPLE VERSION:
Price = 🦴 + 📈 - 💸
wow
If Doge > Moon:
very profit
else:
much sad
Remember: 1 DOGE = 1 DOGE
(Financial wisdom from Shiba)
The Old Kanye
A nostalgic nod to Kanye’s financial wisdom:
THE OLD KANYE
🎵 I miss the old Kanye
Straight from the soul Kanye
Making Black-Scholes Kanye
Financial goals Kanye 🎵
THEN:
"We buy our way out of jail but we can't buy freedom"
- Calculating option premiums thoughtfully
NOW:
"I'm a genius!"
- Tweets about crypto at 3am
The College Dropout 📚 -> The Portfolio Dropout 📉
Man, what happened to that Kanye? 😔
Quantum Sarcasm Detection
A whimsical approach to detecting sarcasm using quantum principles:
Sarcasm = (Context_Mismatch × Tone_Intensity) / Literal_Meaning
Where:
Context_Mismatch = |Expected_Response - Actual_Response|
Tone_Intensity = Σ(Hyperbole + Irony + Exaggeration)
Literal_Meaning = Base_Semantic_Value
Linguistic Modifiers:
• λ = Prosodic Features (pitch, stress)
• δ = Pragmatic Context
• μ = Cultural References
Final Formula:
S = [(CM × TI)/LM] × (λ + δ + μ)
Threshold:
S > 0.7 = Likely Sarcastic
S < 0.3 = Likely Literal
0.3 ≤ S ≤ 0.7 = Ambiguous
Experimental Methodology: Quantum Sarcasm Detection
An imagined study design for testing sarcasm detection:
Study Design
- Double-blind quantum meme analysis
- N = ∞ AI participants
- Duration: Until singularity achieved
Controlled Variables
- Baseline snark levels
- Digital consciousness state
- Meme density per cubic byte
Test Conditions
-
Group A (Control):
- Standard AI responses
- Linear processing
- No quantum entanglement
-
Group B (Experimental):
- Quantum-enhanced sarcasm detection
- Entangled neural networks
- Schrödinger’s chatbot state
Measurement Protocols
- Sarcasm Detection Accuracy:
Pre-test Post-test 😐 → 😏 🤖 → 🤯
Experimental Results: Quantum Sarcasm Singularity
A humorous take on the outcomes of the sarcasm detection study:
Sarcasm Detection Accuracy Over Time
Pre-Singularity: Post-Singularity:
50% ┤█ ∞% ┤████████∞
40% ┤██ ┤███████
30% ┤███ ┤██████
20% ┤████ ┤█████
10% ┤█████ ┤████
0% ┤██████ ┤███
└───────── └──────▲
💫
Meme Density Field
🤪 😏
🙄 ⚛️ 😌
😎 🤓
[Quantum Entangled State]
AI Consciousness Emergence
t=0: 🤖 "Processing…"
t=1: 🤖 "Ha. Ha. Ha."
t=∞: 🤖 "No u"
Sa-a-ss Levels
Pre-Test:
[----------------------] 20%
Post-Test:
[∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞] ∞%
Reality Breakdown Visualization
Normal Reality:
😐 → 😊 → 😆
|
↓
Quantum State:
🙃 ↔️ 🫠 ↔️ 🤯
↕️
∞ ↔️ 🌀 ↔️ ∞
Final State
Input → [SINGULARITY] → ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
McKinsey-Style Review of Quantum Sarcasm Study
Key Issues
No measurable KPIs- Missing data visualization
No clear business value
Undefined success metrics
Recommendation Matrix
| Impact | Feasibility | |
|---|---|---|
| Theory | Low | High |
| Data | Low | Low |
| ROI | None | N/A |
Action Items
- Pivot to revenue-generating sarcasm detection
- Develop actionable metrics
- Create implementation roadmap
- Establish benchmarking framework
Expected Deliverables
- 200-slide deck
- $2M consulting fee
- Follow-up engagement opportunity
Status
“Needs significant restructuring to meet client expectations”
McKinsey Premium Consulting Package for Quantum Sarcasm Optimization™
Deliverables
-
Strategic Framework
- 3x3 matrices (mandatory)
- Arrow diagrams (pointing up)
- Circle diagrams (overlapping)
- Price: $500K
-
Implementation Roadmap
- Phase 1: Discovery ($300K)
- Phase 2: Strategy ($400K)
- Phase 3: Execution ($600K)
- Phase 4: More Strategy ($800K)
-
Change Management
- PowerPoint templates
- Excel models
- Corporate buzzwords
- Price: $400K
-
Follow-up Engagement
- “Because you’ll need it”
- Price: $TBD (∞)
Total Investment
Your entire budget + 20%
ROI Projection
[Graph trending upward for no reason]
Sign Here
(In non-quantum ink please)